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09:18 pm: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! or  i guess for others...  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

I hope everyone is having a good break... it seems like it is going by so fast... at least for me... but i am sure this next week will be kind of slow... I am ready to get back to Orlando but not for the semester to begin... I just really need to find a job right when I get back... blah! I am broke...

Oh well.... oh and have a Happy New Years too everyone.... mine is going to suck!

11:17 am: blah...

I am so glad this semester is over with! My classes went well... maybe b/c I only took 4, and they were all really easy. Oh well, next semester is going to be harder... especially waking up at 7:30!!! I don't know how I am going to do it.  But I got all tue/thur classes again so that is good.

I leave for Virginia on Monday... I am excited to go see my mom and sister.... plus I just want to get away from Orlando for a little while... it has been such a bad semester as far as friends go... and I just want to be alone and think about everything that happened... But I will MISS YOU Santi!!! we have become so close in these past 2 1/2 months... and it sucks that I have to leave for 25 days or w/e... it will go by fast I guess...

To be honest I am really sad right now and I am not really sure why... I guess for a lot of reasons... I cried last night, so now my eyes are all swollen....eeewwwww... I hate when that happens...

So when someone says in front of you, loud enough for you to hear that the only two important people are so and so...and that excludes two people sitting there that kinda hurts... for me I already knew... but for someone else I think it just sucked to hear something like that....especially since he has been her friend for 2 1/2 yrs... and then for this one person to hear that someone who he thinks has become a really good friend and considers really close say oh who am i going to hang out w/ now... i have no friends.... i guess that kinda sucks too... although it may not have been meant to sound like that... it still hurts to hear at the time.

Donny you are a great guy and an awesome friend... I don't think people can be as caring as you are and as nice as you are... you have so much love for everyone! and i am really glad to have you as my bestfriend... and anyone should be thankful to have a friend like you b/c you are one of the most honest people... and you would never do anything to hurt a friend...

Well thats all for now!! I don't want to take up too much space...

01:48 pm: I really need a job... I have no money and it sucks really bad!! I want to buy new clothes b/c it is getting cold out, but i can't afford any :(

Anyways... I haven't updated in a while... I guess nothing interesting is really going on... just the same stuff.

My birthday is on Wednesday...woo-hoo...exciting.. although i probably won't do anything...blah... as long as we drink i will be fine... and i think donny is taking me out to dinner so that should be good! :) yummm...

Friday should be fun though...b/c it is Standbys 21st birthday!! hopefully our plan will work out!

Well i feel fat and should shape up before i go home and get teased... i have a month so i need to stop being lazy and run everyday...

Well this was pointless...

05:24 pm: Things have been going better... so that is good... i still don't think things will ever be the same... but there is not much to do about that...

i am so bored... i am proud of myself i actually did my laundry and put away my clothes... yea! i got off of my lazy ass... now just if i could start working out again... i am going to try and i also need to start eating better... all i eat is junk...w/e

this is the first weekend that we haven't drank... i think... anyways that's weird...and i guess good in a way.. just drinking is so much fun...that is when there is no drama...

well this is a pointless entry...just bored...blah!
I NEED A JOB!!!

01:59 am: I won't forget the way you love me...

My Love profile:

You are mysterious and charismatic - and you easily draw people in - You tend to be paranoid and think that the worst is going on with your lover - You turn cold and mean at the first sign of conflict in relationship - You sometimes become obsessed with dates - so much so that you develop jealousy early on - A bit bossy. You know what you want, and you certainly aren't afraid to ask for it -  Tips: Don't be so secretive with your love - they want you the way you areLet go of your jealousy - Your partner has chosen *you* - Spend more time alone, doing things you love. It will help you be less obsessive.

Donny's Love Profile:

You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out - You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person - You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it - You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date - You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself -     Tips: Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes - Try being single for a while - Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so - Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.

My horoscope:

This week's scenario is highlighted by your studious nature & your need to take time to carefully examine situations in detail - Patiently go through all the facts at hand before you state your position -  It may be several days before you are ready to articulate your response - Your basic values may be challenged over the next few weeks - The purpose is not to punish you, but to help push you forward - Open yourself to new ideas - Security comes to those who are willing to change, not to those who insist on standing still on familiar ground - If your temper starts to flare up, it's a sign that you're getting too defensive -  False leads could put you off track, so don't let others influence you too much - Trust your ability to find the truth in your own way and at your own pace.

So weird... but true...

09:21 pm: So... i feel very weird b/c I haven't talked to anyone all day except for Donny... and I don't want things to continue to be like that, but I guess that is not up to me. I feel very embarrassed, so it is hard for me right now. I also feel that maybe people will hold this whole thing against me b/c I hurt Donny again and for other reasons. I guess I deserve it. However, I feel like we all make mistakes... and that this should not come in between friendships... I love all my friends and I am not mad at them for anything. Donny deserved to know what I did... although I think I told him myself last night, but I guess he was also told by others. Anyways... I just want my friends back!

So yeah... Donny decided that we are not going to "break" up, but that we will just kind of take a break and do whatever we feel like... and take things day by day. I feel that he should be able to go out and experience other people... i guess so he can see if I am the one for him... and obvioulsy I guess I should do the same or at least take time to figure myself out. And as far as how we will be around each other is up to us... if we feel like doing something we will and if we don't we won't. i guess it will be kind of weird... but a break will be good for both of us.

I also feel that I do not deserve him right now... and I think that he should have just broke up w/ me b/c of what I did... I am lucky to have someone who could still look at me after what I did... let alone still wanting to be w/ me!

12:46 pm: What a fucking asshole

So where do I begin... fuuuck...

So yeah I am  a little insane and I don't know why... I think I can do whatever I fucking want sometimes and I never think of anybody else... I guess I should have listened to my mom when I was little... "the world doesn't revolve around you, Michelle" Not that I think it does; I just think sometimes I get caught up in things and blah... I just don't give a shit but at the same time I do... b/c it is not like that much happened... well i mean it could have been worse I guess... nobody agrees... I went fucking crazy... number one thing I hate is for someone to tell me what to do, which seems weird b/c most of the time people do give me direction... but there are just certain things i do not like being told... and I guess it is worst when I was drunk... So yeah...

So yeah back to me getting crazy.. like serioulsy maybe I have a problem.. mental one... who knows... I am sure you all think there is no question in that... but ok... like seriously... did I pick up a knife?... well yeah maybe that is scary for some people but I don't know I think I am so use to that, that it doesn't phase me... weird I know... but  like I guess I grew up a lot differently... when I  get really mad... I guess you can say I get suicidal but like I know I would never do it... so I don't know why I even bother w/ the actions... but yeah... lets see what else I did... I fucking tried to jump out Samy's window, put 18 pills of oxycodone in my mouth (never swallowed), tried to drown myself...I know I need to stop but like... I know I will never do anything....

So... I guess I should get to the point of this whole thing... Donny... there is no explanation for what I did... obvioulsy... the thing is he is mad.. but not at me... like i tell him over and over again that i am this horrible person and that I have hurt him enough... like I don't even know how he can stand to look at me... and I don't know why I do these things b/c I love Donny very very much... and it is not like i want to hurt him... I just know I will... I don't deserve him and i don't know how many times I told him that... it is not like he is a saint... i mean far from it... there is a lot of history b/w us, but he has never done anything to even come close to what I did to him... I guess I still hold grudges.. and I am not trying to use that as an excuse... Just there is a history that nobody can understand... but anyways he always blames it on the other person when he should be blamming it on me... I don't think that it is all my fault but I do think that most of the blame should be put on me... because I did probably start everything... I mean I don't know how it exactly started but I am sure I started it through flirting or something... so yeah, what's done is done... and i can't change anything... But I know what i have to do... i have to let Donny go b/c he does deserve better... way better than me... and although he doesn't think so and will say no to breaking up... I guess we have to... I mean everbody else thinks that too from what I overheard last night... so yeah...I deserve to be alone... even though I don't want to be..  I love Donny and I am so scared to be w/ out him...  But I hope everybody takes care of him here... I know everybody will b/c of the love you all have for him... I will not let him leave Orlando b/c he deserves to stay here and have fun... as for me I think I will go to Virginia w/ my mom... I need to go and figure myself out... so not now but probably after this semester.

So yeah... I just want to say sorry to everybody else I hurt... I know I was an emarrassment... and that I wish things didn't have to be this way b/c you are all wonderful people and I am so glad I got to meet all of you.. although I know you are not thinking that about me... so yeah Sorry.. Sorry...Sorry

11:24 am: i love drunk nights...

I had so much fun last night! I really thought this was going to be a bad semester, but it is turning out to be really fun.  Good thing Samy has friends! Anyways... I was so drunk last night, but I think I remember everything.  There was a lot of kissing, Donny was loud and couldn't stop talking like always, Harold finally got drunk, poor Meggy was sober...ahhh... but she got some good pictures! They're so funny!

 

So what have I been doing besides getting drunk....  uuhhh... I still do not have a job... I am so lazy and haven't applied anywhere.  But I need one now! Haven't missed any classes this semester...haven't had any really b/c of the hurricane! I have only worked out once…so I’m getting so fat!  That's it...I suck... oh I have been doing a lot of shopping!!

 

I don't know what my problem is.... I have been living in my apartment for 2-3 months now and I still haven't unpacked my shit... I'm so fucking lazy! Oh well...

 

Somebody motivate me!

10:21 am: AAahhhhh...
I hate my life... This is going to be the worst semester ever!

05:37 pm: I hate Matt Long...
How could one person have so much hate for another? When you know a guy name Matt Long.. and the first thing he says to you every morning is " how the heck are ya?" you learn to hate... the guy is the most fucking annoying person you will ever meet... nothing is ever his fault... and he likes to think that if you tell him something you are lying. So yeah... basically i am so mad... because once again my boss pissed me off... because he is a fucking dumb ass... who by the way is atleast 45, lives w/ his dad, has no girlfriend, fucking dumb as hell, and so on... ahhh... i am so mad right now i can't even talk about him anymore... i want to punch his wrinkly old face... get a real job fucker!

Anyways... so i quit ... put in my 2 weeks notice today... i am done w/ work... and i feel a little bit more relieved...

but now there is donny who... ahhh... i am having problems w/ now b/c of this... ahh... just in a bad mood...

i hope things will work out for the best.. and i will just have to look for a new job!

But on the other hand... i am so excited that Meghan and Samy are coming back to Orlando... i can't wait... i need to get SO drunk!!! I can't wait!!!!